An honest picture would be that J will acknowledge his baby brother by telling you his name, location, and a sweet kiss at night. Other than that, he could care less that we have a new member of the family. :( Many friends have told me that this is normal. A friend of mine still deals with this behavior 6 mos. after her baby was born, so she asked our pediatrician about it. The doctor explained that 3 year olds aren't necessarily jealous, in the true sense of the word, but they remember life before baby and may resist the change.
Last Sunday night, Dave had praise band practice, so I needed to put both boys to bed. We usually split the duties...you know, divide and conquer, but this night it couldn't be that way. My luck was great in that J's bedtime and L's feeding time fell at the same exact time! So, this left L awake while I put J down. I decided to take him in J's room for the bedtime routine. I briefly wondered how it would go, but I didn't think too much about it. As soon as I put L on the bed, I could see J cutting his eyes at him while he laid sweetly on the pillow. We read our bedtime book as usual but with just one extra listener. :) J was a little whiny, but he can be this way at bedtime and naptime when I put him down. So, I just continued business as usual. I made sure J sat right beside me as always, but he still seemed a little uneasy. Then, we prayed, and I laid next to him. Well, at this point, I had to put L between us to be sure he didn't fall. Again, J would just barely look at him and continued to whine off and on. Finally, I told J goodnight and all of the other precious things I tell him before going to sleep. All of a sudden, I see J's hand sliding under L's back, and he proceeds to repeatedly tell me to get him "up" (loudly). I asked him if he wanted L to leave and he said "yes"! However, I noticed that J nicely put L's paci back in his mouth. I thought maybe I was reading the situation wrong. Nope, I later figured out J was being sure L took all of his belongings. So, I started getting down with the intentions of getting L next, when I hear "down" (loudly with some crying mixed in) and see a slight nudge on little brother. I kept assuring him that L was leaving, but I guess I couldn't get him fast enough for J. We left with J starting to cry. I put L in his crib to watch his mobile for a minute. I went back in and talked to J. I left teary-eyed, sad that J isn't in love with our new baby. Meanwhile, Dave calls to let me know he is on his way home. I share this entire story with him. His response..."Well, J is just going to have to suck it up...it's not all about him!" I felt so much better...urgh! Then, Dave realized that his statement didn't go over well, a little harsh for this postpartum mommy, and he simply explained that we would have to tell J how that behavior really isn't nice. All I can say is, thank goodness for good friends who have had similar stories to share with me.
On another note, most friends and family have really made an effort to give J attention and gifts along with his new brother. This actually has meant more to me than I ever expected. I didn't realize just how cognizant and sensitive we are of our older child's feelings while welcoming a younger one.
Pillow Pal Woody from Aunt Steph
